I had NO Idea!

I had no idea the extent of how much your life changed.

When our friends showed up with a case of beer after your newborn arrived you had every right to ask us to leave. But you didn’t. We expected everything to be the same. Sure there was a baby in the mix but we could carry on in our early 20’s way of care-free partying with your undivided attention, right? Wrong.

It wasn’t until friends came over right after my own newborn arrived that I started noticing the difference between those who had kids (and got it) and those who didn’t. The ones who really got it, left a warm, nutritious meal on the doorstep and texted to check if we were up for visitors. They understandingly left when they didn’t get a response. One friend who really didn’t get it (bless her), came over, made a meal in our kitchen, left a mess and expected me to carry on a conversation the whole time. I barely had the heart or the energy to explain to her that it wasn’t like it used to be, especially 1 week postpartum.

I had no idea how significant offerings of help truly were.

I wish I did your dishes more often.

I wish I brought  you food more often.

I wish I stepped in to help more often, without you having to ask or even know what you needed help with.

There is nothing better than receiving support at a time when you need it. I remember a neighbour I didn’t know that well, but trusted, offering to watch my newborn. I was nervous yet knew how beneficial it was for me to get out of the house, go for a walk, change my scenery and be alone for 15 minutes. It felt so loving to receive this support (and many others), especially for someone who has a hard time asking for help.

I had no idea why you wanted to talk about your kids.

Our conversations changed and evolved. You endured my stories of travel and singlehood while I heard tales of dirty diapers and daycare. Luckily our bond was (and is) strong enough to withstand such an impactful life change.

Now when someone asks me how I’m doing I have to pause to answer for myself rather than my knee jerk reaction of wanting to reply with how my kids are. Yes, they are part of me And they are their own beings. I love them more than I ever imagined possible and I finally understand.

Thank you for your patience.

I think I finally get it.